take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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