I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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