It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize