If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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