Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
