Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize