the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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