He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
