I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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