i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
