i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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