I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
