i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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