you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
