Whats the glycemic index on semen?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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