No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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