You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
