i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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