We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
