i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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