Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
