Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize