Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
