I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
