i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize