he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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