I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
