Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
