So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
