I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
