at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
