she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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