please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
