There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
