I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
