good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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