Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
