Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
