Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Boobs speak an international language.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
