Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
