Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize