What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
