Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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