the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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