hotel room ftw
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
