she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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