I am spending my child support on dildos
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
