Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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