Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
