no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
