Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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