I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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