I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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