Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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