6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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