Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
