Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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