This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
