He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
