I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
