i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
