She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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