from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize