Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
