Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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