Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
