He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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