as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize